Evidence that I'm a tard:

Exhibit A: I broke my office's copy machine last week because I fed the machine paper that I wasn't supposed to so it got jammed and the paper burned inside the machine...ooops.

Exhibit B: I broke a treadmill at the gym because I was pressing too many buttons too fast at the same time...literally, there was smoke coming from the machine.

Exhibit C: As I was getting in my car, I hit my face on the car door. Now the area right above my right eye is pink and puffy...what a great way to start off the week.

At the rate I'm going, I wouldn't be surprised if I got run over by a bus...TWICE.